The cascading emotional damage resulting from homicides.

When a violent act occurs, the emotional devastation that results cascades out in all directions, like lava froma volcano, devastating everything in its path, harming not only the victim's family, but also the family of the perpatrator.

I have just been touched by such a cascade myself, though indirectly.

Because of a new initiative that Interfaith Paths to Peace plans to undertake with a local church, we plan to monitor and ritually mourn each homicide that happens in the Louisville metro area this year. On Sunday I learned that, sadly, Louisville's first homicide of 2010 had happened on on New Years Day. The victim was a woman in her twenties who was allegedly stabbed to death by her former boyfriend , a man who also happens to be the father of her infant child. The perpatrator also stabbed and critically wounded a man who happened to be with the young woman at the time of the crime.

Yesterday, I learned that the homicide victim is the niece of a friend of mine. When I heard that, I felt an extra twinge of pain and grief that this unnecessary violence had also emotionally wounded people that I hold dear.

As we consider the emotional cost of the violence in our community, we need to remember that the pain resulting from any violent act spreads in ever-increaing circles. Damaged forever are the friends and relatives of the victim. Also ruined are the family and friends of the troubled man who supposedly comitted this horrific crime. As I write, I am sure that phones are ringing and emails arriving in inboxes telling everyone who knew the victim and the perpatrator about the crime. More and more people over the days to come will share the sorrow.

There is little that we can do to ease this pain. There is, however work that we should all engage in to eliminate violence in our community and in our homes. I was reminded just this morning that even though the crime rate in Louisville has decreased over the last year, the rate of domestic violence has either remained the same or increased.

There are two groups in our city that are working diligently to help school age young people and the adults who work with them gain the skills that will enable them to solve serious differences with other people nonviolently. These are the Peace Education Program (http://www.peaceeducationprogram.org/ ) led by Eileen Blanton, and the SPAVA Program (http://www.spava.us/ ) pioneered by Dr. Timir Banerjee. Check out their web sites and learn what they do.

I just wish we could find a way to get the same information about non-violent conflict resolution to adults who seem to think that the best way to express their anger is with their fists, or with guns or with knives or with...

Lessons We Can Learn from Peacemakers in the 5th Grade

I am serving as a volunteer mentor this winter in a special program called SPAVA that allows me to share non-violent conflict resolution skills with 5th graders at Bates elementary school in Louisville. You can find details about SPAVA (and volunteer for the program) at http://www.spava.us/.

One young student in my class shared an idea with me last week that I found deeply moving and full of creativity well beyond the years of this young person.

I had given my 29 students a take home assignment. I asked them to think of a major problem in the world that they would like to solve and then describe a machine that they would create to address that problem.

Wonderful ideas were shared by these 5th graders about how to eliminate hunger, cure diseases, and provide housing for everyone in the world, but one idea in particular grabbed my attention. It related to anger.

Anger is one of the major problems for students in our public schools. Probably all students feel anger. In fact we tell them it's ok to feel angry. But these fifth graders (like the rest of us) get into trouble when they respond to their anger by acting impulsively, without thinking.

So we teach them how to use a method pioneered by SPAVA called STAR.

In the STAR method students take 4 key steps to solving their problems non-violently these are:

S STOP! Cool down so you don’t do something impulsive that you
may regret later. Take a deep breath and count to 5 or do something else that works for you.
T THINK! What is the real problem? What are your choices? Ask about each choice: Does it respect everyone? Will it work? Pick your best choice.
A ACT! Carry out your best choice.
R REVIEW! Ask yourself, “Did it work? If it did, great! If it didn't, try another choice.

The students hadn't yet learned the STAR method when I gave them the assignment to address a major problem in the world. In spite of that, one young woman came up with an idea that was a perfect reflection of what we hope for through STAR.

She shared with me and members of her class that destructive anger was the problem she wanted to eliminate. She "invented" a machine that would sense your anger and turn it into beautiful music that would soothe you and calm you down. I love that idea. And I wish we had more inventors like my young friend.

And again, here is a link to information about SPAVA. I hope you will become a mentor in this brilliant program.

http://www.spava.us/